Secrets
by daynaa
Summary: Izzie centric. Rating to be super safe.
1. Chapter 1

A/N: First Grey's Anatomy fiction! With all my CSI, Crossing Jordan and CSI: Miami fanfictions I have unfinished, the last thing I should be doing is starting a new fanfiction, but I can't write other things when I have something else on my mind, so I'm going to write this regardless. I have only seen the first half of season two of Grey's, so maybe this gets talked about or resolved in season two, or in what has begun of season three, but I don't know that, and well, it can be an alternate ending then, for everyone else. The pairings in this will be VERY messed up, because I don't know which pairings I like yet. At all. So, we'll go with it and see what happens.

It shall be Izzy centric, I bet. As she is my favourite at the moment. And in her point of view.

Disclaimer: I do not own Grey's Anatomy, thus nothing I mention in this fanfiction do I own.

--&

Secrets. They overwhelm you; they eat you up from the inside until you feel dark. Broken. Until you feel like there is nothing else left inside of you. Sure, you can find temporary refuge in anyway you choose. There's your job, which can make this, which can make anything really, go away if you throw yourself hard enough into a case. But then, as I know, there are cases that bring it all up. They make it all worse. Because if there's one thing we learn in life, it's that rarely is a problem unique. Then there is sex. But even that has its faults. With me, sex requires trust, and love. Two traits, which require honesty and there is no room in honesty for secrets like mine. I suppose, for a third option, there are friends. I do have great friends, but how does anyone get over being lied to about something this size when so many an opportunity has arisen when I could have blurted it all out, where I could have come clean and didn't. There have been occasions where Meredith or Cristina have had situations at the same calibre as mine. And I sat, and I listened to them talk. I held them while they cried, and I assisted in picking up the pieces. Basically, I deceived everyone I loved yet again and I'm being eaten by the parasite I call a secret. Only there is no surgery to cure this.

--&

"Izzy!" George called from the kitchen. "We're going to be late! Hurry up!" I continue to dry at my eyes with tissue to no avail. Now I hear pounding on the bathroom door.

"Iz!" It's Meredith this time. "I can hear you crying. Why don't you come out and talk about it?"

"I can't." I sniffle. "I just can't. I'll be out in a second though. You can wait for me in the car if you want."

"Izzy, I am not leaving this door until you either tell me what's wrong, open it, or both." Meredith insists. At least Cristina isn't here. "Do you want me to call Cristina?"

"No." I sniffle again, remembering the time she literally kicked Meredith out of bed, and self-pity. But this wasn't self-pity. Well, yes it was but not entirely! I finally forfeit, glancing at my watch and realizing they aren't exaggerating. We really are going to be late. I unlock the door and step out, drying my eyes one last time and tossing the tissue in the trash. Meredith immediately puts an arm around me as we head to the door.

"You going to be okay today?" She asks, and I smiled. Or at least I try to.

"Yeah." I nod, not quite sure if the word was audible through the sob.

"Okay. We've really got to get going, but I'm not going to forget about this." She warns me.

"I know." I smile.

"Are you two coming?" George asks impatiently.

"What does it look like?" Meredith rolls her eyes as we get in the car. "We're here. So drive."

--&

"Good morning interns." Bailey greets us as we enter the hospital. "You're almost running late. You better get to that locker room and back fast." We nod and pick up the pace as we make our way to the locker room.

"What took you guys this morning?" Alex asks as we enter.

"Izzy." Meredith tells him.

"Bad hair day?" Alex makes a face at me, and I send him a look. "Sorry!" He raises his hands in mock defeat. "You better hurry up before you miss all the good assignments. Cristina's already out there."

"We know." The three of us chorus as he jogs out of the room and we hurriedly change into our scrubs.

"So what was the problem this morning?" George asks. Meredith shrugs and they both look at me.

"This so isn't the time." I mutter as I continue to change. This was going to be one long, terrible day. Not terrible in the sense that everyone was going to be in life threatening danger, or even necessarily that I was going to lose a patient. Just terrible for me, and only me, though another part of me wondered if somewhere out there, someone else was having a bad day for similar reasons. Part of me hoped.

--&

Naturally, on a day like today, I would be assigned to work with Mrs. McDreamy. Just perfect. Our case consisted of Siamese twins that would have to be separated immediately, or as close to immediately as possible, after birth. The mother, a twenty five year old who was scared out of her mind about what would happen to her, and her babies. She still had, or hopefully had, twenty hours left before delivery but with cases like these, it was impossible to tell. She would need to be constantly monitored for the babies' health, and her health, physically and mentally. Not only was she young and scared out of her mind, but she also had a not so historic history of suicide attempts. Luckily, the father of the children seemed to be somewhat more stable, and ten years her senior so he was at least some help in keeping his fiancé under control. This was the type of case Izzy would normally be almost excited to work on. She was completely intrigued with Addison's field of work, and loved practicing it… but today, today was just different. This was the last place she wanted to be.

--&

Memories. They crash and they die because we let them. It's easier that way. It's easier and they're never to be thought of again. But packaged neatly, along with pieces of our hearts, fragments of our trust, slivers of our love; they are then delivered to the very depths of our soul where those memories, these secrets silently await for us to fall asleep so they can haunt our nightmares, making sure we never forget. But on days like these when I feel like I'm living in a nightmare… I wish I would have never made them go away because then they might really be gone by now. If I could have dealt with this then, maybe it wouldn't still be here now. But the past is the past and this is today. Today where I have friends. These friends are my family, and they are willing to listen. They are willing to help and because of similar mistakes they have made, I know they will forgive me for not sharing this before. They _have _to understand.

--&

A/N: I like my first chapters confusing, as this probably was. I think it is blatantly obvious WHAT her secret is, but I guess it may not be. PLEASE review because really, if no one is interested in reading more, then I won't write more, but if anyone is then I will. And if you have pairing requests, send away because I am open to most anything.


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: I like my first chapters confusing, as this probably was. I think it is blatantly obvious WHAT her secret is, but I guess it may not be. PLEASE review because really, if no one is interested in reading more, then I won't write more, but if anyone is then I will. And if you have pairing requests, send away because I am open to most anything.

Chapter Two:

A/N: Thank you for the reviews! Oh, and I am completely unknowledgeable in the medicine field, so just keep that in mind hah.

Disclaimer: STILL own nothing.

--&

"Izzy?" I heard George ask quietly. I was lying in the on call room trying not to cry. I couldn't cry. Not here. Not ever. I was done crying over this.

"What?" I snap, and immediately cringe. "Sorry. I'm having a bad day."

"Yeah. I noticed." He sat down on the bed beside me.

"Sorry." I apologize, burying my head in my hands again.

"For what?" He asks, moving the slightest bit closer to comfort me. "Iz, you didn't do anything. You're having a bad day. You've seen me throw tantrums at work before… you're allowed to cry, you know."

"I know." I nod, silently letting a tear roll down my face. I wiped the tear away before George pulled me closer and held me in his arms while I sobbed. I let it all out. Years worth of tears over this that I refused to cry because I had a goal that I would not loose sight of. Now I knew I couldn't complete my goal without getting over this first. It just couldn't be done. George just sat there, and held me while I cried. He didn't try to make me talk, or stop, he moved his hands in a circular motion on my back to calm me down and whispered about how it was going to be all right in my ear. "Is it really?" I whispered.

"Iz, you know I will be there for you. You've always been there for me and no matter what this is… well; it's not going to change how I think of you. Because despite whatever you've done, I _know _you. And you're my best friend." He told me. I began to cry again, only this time not only for the reason I had been crying before, but also because I was angry with myself for not trusting anyone, especially George earlier when he'd trusted me with so much. Everyone had, and I kept on pretending like I had no pressing problems that needed to be discussed. I kept pretending. You don't pretend with friends like I have.

"I know." I sigh, my tears reducing to shuttering sobs that come at regular intervals.

"You going to be okay?" He whispered.

"Eventually." I nod. "I want to talk about it."

"You do?" He asks, almost surprised.

"I do." I nod, smiling weakly. Of course, that would be the perfect cue for Addison to page me with a 911 for the mother of the twins. "I've got to go though. Later?" I wipe my face hastily as I jump off the bed and head for the door.

"Later." He nods, not moving as I run out of the room. I run throughout the hospital dodging other doctors, nurses and family members as I go. Finally, I make it to the room filled with nurses and Addison working around the body, shouting requests to save the mother's life. I jump right in, doing what Addison tells me to do and suggesting whatever I can think of to get the woman out of this situation. I notice her husband pacing on the other side of the room and a pang of jealousy made it's way through my body. I was jealous of this woman whose life we were trying to save because she had someone to help her through this. She was _dying _and I was jealous. The monitors returned suddenly to their monotonous beeping and blipping. She was safe. For now.

"Good work in there Dr. Stevens." Addison smiled at me as we were exiting the room.

"Thanks." I replied shortly. I was still angry with her for what she put me through with the quintuplets. I understand why she did it, sort of, because sympathizing and seeing things through other peoples points of view has always been one of my strong points, but that doesn't make it hurt any less. I walked back through the hallways thinking again about how I am going to tell George this. Then after that I'll conquer how to tell everyone else. This is George we're talking about. I can tell him. I can do this. I wonder back to look for him, and instead I find Meredith and Cristina giggling over something. With those two, it was always just… something.

"Izzy!" Meredith calls just as I was turning around. She was going to ask me about this morning, or if she couldn't Cristina, who had no doubt been told about the morning's events, would. Quite bluntly.

"Hey." I plaster a smile on my face and make my way over to the pair. "What's so funny?" I figure maybe, by immediately diverting the conversation, I might be able to get out somehow before they can ask me anything.

"We're watching Alex." Meredith answers. I follow their line of view and see Alex blushing profusely while trying to get out of a conversation he was having with a patient.

"She's been talking, and talking and we have no idea what she is saying." Cristina adds, "But that old lady is definitely hitting on Alex." I join in their giggling as the old lady winks and hits Alex playfully on the arm.

"Poor Alex." I smile. We continue to giggle until he finally finishes telling the woman whatever she needed to know and stalks away towards us. We all bite back the smiles as long as we can but as soon as we see the look on his face, it's inevitable. I begin to worry as the original diversion from me passes, literally.

"Shut up." Alex mutters on his way by. Diversion gone. Unfortunately at that moment, Meredith turns to me, intent on finding out what is wrong.

"Iz," She beings, "What was wrong this morning? We never really got a chance to talk about it…"

"I know. And I would love to do that right now, but I have to see George about something." I tell her as I spot him heading down a nearby hallway. I run to catch up to him. "Thank you, thank you, thank you!" I nearly hug him when I catch up.

"For what?" He asks, confused.

"You just saved me from explaining my problems to Cristina and Meredith." I explain.

"Oh. Well then you're welcome." He shrugged.

"But George… I need to tell someone." I tell him.

"Okay." He nods, not wanting to pry.

"I want to tell you." I specify. He nods and follows me to the on call room where we once again sit down on the bed. "Okay. And when I tell you this… you have to promise not to freak out, or get mad that I didn't say anything before…"

"Iz, I promise." He smiles. "Whatever it is, I can handle it." Famous last words, I thought. He had no idea what he was about to hear.

--&

A/N: Hah. I decided I would leave it at that. It is SNOWING. And it's cold out! Oh, first snow of the year is always nice. But I have no winter clothing yet so that means shopping time. New Grey's Anatomy tonight! I love Thursdays. Please review!


	3. Chapter 3

A/N: So I had this chapter like, half done, but then I got a new computers and somehow, in the transferring of hard drives, drive D which holds all of my word documents (and music library, AND pictures) got erased leaving me with not much. So now I am trying to start writing fanfiction again because I haven't for quite some time. Science tomorrow, as if semester one is over already! Anyways, chapter. Here we go.

Disclaimer: Still own nothing!

And thank you to everyone who reviewed, greatly appreciated. Also, **what pairings should I include in this story? Input please! **

--

"You…" He trailed off, speechless. I groaned, wiped a few tears away from my face and tried to keep from sobbing. I should have never told him. I had probably just ruined one of the best friendships I ever had, and for what? To make one day of the year, one lousy day, just a bit easier?

"I'm sorry okay! I'm sorry." No longer able to control the sobbing, I let it go. Surprisingly, he pulls me into his arms.

"Iz, you went through it alone?" He asked, running a hand through my hair and holding me close to him while I continued to sob. Unable to stop the tears, I nodded against his chest. "I…"

"George, you have to understand I didn't know how to say it before. I was too scared and I just couldn't. Please don't hate me." I managed to choke out before the sobs that seemed to have taken control over my body return.

"Iz, I don't hate you." He told me, letting me take my time sobbing against him. "I just never would have guessed. And the father just left? He didn't care?"

"He didn't care." I laughed bitterly through my tears. "He didn't care about me at all. I was sixteen, and I was stupid. I just, you know how you never think it can happen to you? Well that's how I was. As soon as I told him I was pregnant he left. He never talked to me again."

"I bet he'd regret that now." George laughed lightly, trying to make me feel better.

"Well, I wouldn't be who I am now if it hadn't have happened." I shrug, though it did make me smile.

"Yeah, but he'd still regret it." George smiled.

"Thanks for you know, cheering me up." I told him.

"No problem. But if you don't mind me asking one more thing… why today?" The waterworks started again.

"Today, it's Sar… Hannah's birthday." I choked out.

"Iz," George said in his sympathetic voice pulling me close once again. Just as I was beginning to calm down my pager went off. Glancing down I saw a 911 from Addison. "Addison again?"

"Yeah. I'll see you later okay. And can you not tell anyone? Please?" I asked him.

"Wouldn't dream of it." He reassured me. "You better go." I nodded, and wiped my eyes furiously. Leaving the on call room and dashing through the halls, I nearly ran into countless people before reaching my destination.

"She's got to get into surgery now. Come on Steven's." Addison instructed and off we go to the OR.

"When did she go into labor?" I asked.

"She was just starting to," Addison explained, "But then…" She gestured to the patient and I leaned over to see what she was pointing out as we stopped to wait for the elevator. Blood.

"Suicide attempt?" Addison nodded as we wheeled the patient into the elevator.

"She'll be okay, barring regular complications of any surgery, but we'll have to talk to the parents about other options." Addison told me.

"Adoption, you mean?" I asked.

"Yeah, or therapy if she isn't already in." Addison shrugged. "She just needs help." I know what that feels like. Too well. "Alright Steven's, let's save this woman's life."

--&

"Suicide attempt while in labour?" Cristina asked, slamming her cafeteria tray down at lunch. "Suicide attempt while in labour!"

"I know!" Meredith collapsed in a chair beside her. "I wish that was my case."

"You actually want to be on a case with the SheShepard?" Cristina asked. Meredith glared at her, and I laughed.

"It's good to see you laughing," Meredith began, "You know, since this morning you were pretty much a wreck."

"Yeah Iz, what was wrong with you this morning? Actually, you've been looking pretty bad all day."

"Thanks Cristina." I rolled my eyes.

"So you're not going to tell us then?" Meredith asked.

"Guys, just leave her alone." George interrupted, sitting down beside me.

"Wait, George knows? And we don't?" Meredith asked in disbelief.

"What does George know?" Alex asked, sitting down.

"He knows what's wrong with Izzie." Cristina filled him in. "And we don't."

"Maybe she just can't tell you." Alex shrugged, "It's probably no big deal."

"Thank you Alex. But you know, you don't have to talk about me like I'm not here. I can hear you." I smiled. Or well, tried to. After one last shared look of slight disappointment between Cristina and Meredith directed at me, I attempted to switch the topic. "So does anyone else have any cool cases?"

"Yeah, well, I have this one guy," George began, and I shot him a grateful smile as I let my mind wander off to thoughts of what my life would have been like if I hadn't given Sara, or Hannah, I guess was her name, up.

"Stevens!" Bailey's voice interrupted my thoughts.

"Yes, Dr. Bailey," I stood up and spun around to face the shorter woman.

"New case with Derek Shepard. ER, now." She ordered.

"But I was working with Dr. Shepard today, Dr. Bailey." Cristina protested, eager to get in on another case.

"But has your previous case with Dr. Shepard gone to surgery yet?" Bailey asked, clearly annoyed.

"Well, no, not until tonight but…" Cristina started.

"Steven's. ER, now." Bailey repeated, rolling her eyes and walking away.

"Right on it." I smiled victoriously as everyone else groaned in jealousy. At least the universe didn't hate me. It was providing me with lots of distractions to get through this day. As I made my way down to the pit, I was feeling significantly better my mind running through all the interesting possibilities my new case could be. Entering the ER, I spotted McDreamy right away and headed over to the closed curtain he was standing in front of.

"Stevens." He nodded.

"Hi Dr. Shepard." I greeted him.

"New case, thirteen-year old girl." He informed me. "I need you to do a full workup. She was at school and her parents should be on their way."

"What's her name?" I ask, taking the chart he handed me.

"Hannah." He answered nonchalantly, before walking away. Scratch what I said before, the universe _so _hates me. Taking a breath to compose myself, I pulled back the curtain to reveal a small, blonde teenager lying on the bed. Yes, the universe is a cruel, cruel place.

--

Hahaha. Three guesses as to who it is, and the first two do not count! Anyways, I hope I am not going too corny and I apologize if this storyline has been done 30492 times. Anyways, reviews are greatly appreciated!

Thank you for reading!


	4. Chapter 4

A/N: Thank you to dreamcatcher33 for reviewing! Still, any suggestions for pairings? The way this is going, I'm kind of sensing some George/Izzie, but if no one is into that, I can do something else. Kay.

--

"Hannah," I said as I shut the curtain behind me. I can do this. I can do this. "I'm Dr. Stevens. You can call me Izzie if you'd like." Normal. Normal is good.

"Hi Izzie," She smiled brightly. "It's my birthday today!" Deep, slow breaths.

"That's great Hannah! How old are you today?" I asked as I tried to stay calm, a task which was becoming increasingly hard. I needed help. I needed George.

"I'm turning thirteen. And my Dad had to go to work this morning, but he said that when he got home, we were going to go out to the movies!" She explained excitedly.

"Really? That's great! Were you hanging out with your um… with your…" I trailed off. I couldn't say it. _I _am… I was her mother.

"I was by myself." Hannah told me. Seeing my confused look she clarified. "Well, cause I'm thirteen. I've been staying home alone since I was twelve. Dad works a lot."

"Don't you have two parents?" I asked.

"I used to but then they got in an accident. But the lady said I was adopted. But then my real Dad came and got me. He said my real Mom loved me very much, but she couldn't be with us." Hannah explained with a sullen look on her face.

"Oh… I, I'll be right back." I breathed, barley making it outside the curtain before the tears that had been threatening to fall throughout the entire encounter started their way down my cheek. I pulled out my pager and paged George to the on call room where I was headed. Fighting to keep my tears in again until I got there, I was nearly running through the hospital at full speed. Reaching the on call room, I collapsed on the bed in tears. Well, sobs, was more like it. It was less than a minute later when I heard George open the door, clearly out of breath from running to get there.

"Iz…" He began. He walked over to the bed and, for the second time that day, gathered me into his arms.

"George I need you right now, but she needs you more." I tried to explain through my tears and sobs.

"Who?" He asked.

"Hannah." I choked out.

"Hannah, as in your… she's here?" He wondered.

"Just admitted. Dr. Shepard's new case. I'm supposed to be doing a full workup now. But… she started talking about how her adoptive parents died... she's with him, George."  
"Him who? " George asked. "Him, oh. _Him._" And then George got this look on his face. This angry, angry look that I'd never seen on George before. I'd seen him upset, I'd seen him whiny and yes, I'd even seen him broken. But I had not seen him angry. Not like this.

"Maybe we should call Meredith or Cristina." I suggested.

"I think so." He nodded, "Because I don't think I could look at him and not do something. Or say something." And with that, he paged Cristina. Because really, sending Meredith off to work with McDreamy when she didn't have to wasn't the best idea.

"What?" Cristina asked, stepping into the on call room. George and I winced as she flicked on the lights. "Are you two…? Is that what this is all about today?"

"No." George answered quickly. "It's just,"

"Dr. Shepard's new admission. We need you to take her for labs." Izzie told Cristina.

"I thought you were assigned to that case specifically by Bailey?" Cristina asked.

"It's surgical." I told her, wincing at the though of anyone cutting into my daughter's brain.

"Okay." Cristina conceded. "But if Bailey or Shepard as me about why you are not on this case, I'm sending them to you."

"Okay." I nodded. "Thanks Cristina."

"You're thanking me for taking your surgery. We are _so _discussing this later." She told me before she left.

"They're going to find out." I sighed. "And they're going to hate me."

"I don't hate you." George pointed out.

"But you're George. You're just… you're my best, best friend." I explained.

"They'll understand Izzie." He reasoned.

"But Cristina, she already went through this. Sort of. She went through what it feels like to be pregnant and know you do not want this thing growing inside of you to be there. And I could have helped her with that." I tried to explain my reasoning.

"But she didn't tell you," George pointed out which made me smile.

"Yeah. But Meredith.." I began.

"Meredith forgave McDreamy for dating her, sleeping with her, telling her he loved her for two months while hiding the fact that he had a wife. And she forgave him. Do not worry about Meredith." George said.

"Yeah. But, Alex…" I started.

"Is a jerk. You can't tell me you're even thinking about what Alex says?" George rolled his eyes. "You're just searching for excuses now."

"Remember that time when you had no reason not to tell Meredith you liked her?" I asked.

"Right. Okay. Point taken." George winced.

"Thank you." I sort of smiled. Sort of.

--&

"Hannah? Hi I'm Dr. Yang." Cristina said, not looking up from her chart. The girl was having seizures and passing out for no apparent reason. This was _so _a surgical case. Izzie was so missing out.

"Where did Izzie go?" Hannah asked politely.

"She's uh, not feeling well today." Cristina lied. She really didn't know what was wrong with Izzie, so maybe it wasn't a lie, whatever.

"She didn't look very well, I guess." The young girl shrugged. It was then that Cristina noted that this girl's voiced oddly, and annoyingly, resembled the happy, kind nature of someone she talked to often. Shutting the chart and looking up, Cristina, being the genius she was, began to piece things together.

"So how old are you Hannah?" Cristina asked as she began to check the girls vitals.

"Thirteen, today." Hannah answered proudly. Doing some quick calculations in her head Cristina sighed. Sixteen. Oh, Izzie.

"Dad!" Hannah smiled, her face lighting up as a man walked into the room.

"Mr. Switzer, I'm Dr. Yang. Can I talk to you in the hall? " Cristina asked.

"It's Hank Roberts." The man introduced himself. "How's she doing?"

"Roberts?" Cristina questioned. "But Hannah's last name is Switzer."

"Well, I am her father, but I haven't always been her Dad. She was adopted when she was born, her Mother and I were too young… it was the hardest decision we ever made, so when her adoptive parents were killed in a tragic accident two years back… I was more than happy to take custody of Hannah."

"I see. And her biological Mother, she's on her way?" Cristina asked.

"No, she uh, she couldn't make the commitment to a child." Hank explained.

"Right." Cristina nodded. Izzie was hearing for her as soon as she could get Hannah sent off to CT because well, someone needed to get this girl taken care of, and it obviously was not going to be Izzie.

"Dr. Yang," Derek said, approaching the pair.

"Hi, Dr. Shepard." She smiled meekly.

"I thought Dr. Bailey assigned Dr. Stevens to this case?" He asked. Cristina wanted to chuckle at the mention of Dr. Stevens, well, actually, the effect it had on Hank Roberts. She could see him mentally reminding himself how common of a last name Stevens was.

"She's… she said she couldn't take this case. She asked me to take over. I was just going to get Hannah and take her up to CT. They're waiting for us."

""Okay then." Derek nodded. "Let's go." Cristina nodded and went into the room to get Hannah. This was going to be one hell of a day.

--&

A/N: Hah. So this story is probably overdone to no end, but you know, I'm enjoying writing it. Though the plan I have for it isn't making me insanely happy. Please review.


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